Bear
by Darling Pretty
Summary: When Addison pushed Alex into that on call room, she had expected to end up with nothing but a good time. Oh, how very wrong that assumption was. Addex.  Rated for some language and talk of abortion
1. Wrong Turn

**Happy belated birthday to me! And here's a present! Yep, it's another story I shouldn't be starting! But I think (and hope) you'll like it anyways. I just wanted to post something before life gets crazy busy (I'm officially posting this from my brand new dorm room! If by brand new you mean in a building that's over 50 years old and probably hasn't been updated that much since then...). So anyways, enjoy.**

**And, btdubs, the title comes from a song by the Antlers that you can listen to if you want to get a general feel for where this whole thing is headed. This chapter is pretty heavy and the next chapter isn't much lighter, but I'm going to TRY to write something that isn't ridiculously depressing or so light and fluffy that it floats off into the atmosphere. Enjoy!**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

Addison gasps in pain when her teeth tear through the cuticle on the nail of her right pointer finger. She looks down and realizes that she's managed to thoroughly ruin her manicure in her worried daze. Automatically, she goes to start on her left hand and then remembers that she already ruined that hand too.

She has to tell him, right? She can't just… not tell him. Get this taken care of and he never has to know that she was ever… the p-word. If she thinks the actual word, that makes it real and if it's real, then she really can't deal with it, so she's not thinking the word.

No, she needs to tell him. It's mean and spiteful and hateful, but she wants him to know just exactly what he's done to her.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. One stupid, impulsive shove into an on call room and she's back here. In this position. Again. Just… fuck.

"Addison, are you okay?" Callie asks.

"Fine," she says, shaking off her thoughts and putting a fake smile on her face. "What's up?"

"Nothing," her friends says suspiciously. Addison shifts to sit on her hands so Callie can't see the carnage. "You just look… shocked."

The computer in Addison's brain runs through the million different answers she can give, searching for one that isn't a lie but won't reveal her secret. "Alex Karev," is the explanation she comes up with.

"What did he do this time?" Callie groans. "And when are you going to let me start breaking bones?"

Addison laughs a little and then returns to her serious problem. "He's just… being Alex Karev."

"Seriously? You need to talk to him, Addison! Yell at him or something."

Addison makes a decision. "I'm going to talk to him," she says, flashing Callie something that resembles a smile. "Don't worry about me."

0ooo0

"Karev," she says, wetting her lips nervously. He turns around and she can feel herself lose her nerve. But she steels herself and pushes on. "We need to talk."

His eyebrows rise. "What?"

"Can we… can we go somewhere… not here?"

"Not here?" She can see the beginning of a smirk on his face and hates it.

"Not. Here."

He rolls his eyes. "Fine."

She leads him into a supply closet and closes the door. And then she turns around, takes a deep breath and announces, "I'm pregnant. And there's no way it's not yours."

She waits for him to react but realizes that he's like her—internalizing reactions rather than letting them happen. "Okay," he says. She can tell that inside he's stuttering and stammering questions that he's not letting himself ask.

"I'm getting an abortion," she informs him. "It's not a good time and… you and me… we shouldn't be allowed to have kids. We don't even like each other."

"Oh."

"Yeah, so," she breathes. "I haven't told anyone and I would appreciate it if you wouldn't. I don't want people gossiping about this in the hallways or anything."

"What about Callie?" he asks suddenly, his brain starting to creak to life slowly.

"What?"

"Are you going to tell her?"

"No."

He's silent for a moment, running through logistics, but she thinks that he's disapproving of her choice to keep it from her best friend. "I can't have her looking at me like that," she explains. "Like I had an abortion. I just can't see that look again."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"What?"

"Somebody's going to have to drive you home. Do you want me to do it?"

She shoves her hair behind her ear. "You would?"

"I got you into this, didn't I?"

"_We _got me into this," she amends with a wry smile. "I shoved you into that room, remember?"

"Yeah, but-"

She cuts him off. "Let's not play the blame game, okay? I'll let you know when the appointment is as soon as I know."

"Thanks," he says quietly.

She smiles softly and touches his arm. "Thanks for not being weird about this."

"No problem." She's gone before he acknowledges that the tingling where she touched him isn't some weird degenerative nerve disorder.

0ooo0

"Hi," she says, sliding into the passenger seat of Meredith's borrowed Range Rover, her hair in a messy bun, wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants.

"Hey," he greets her.

They sit in silence. It's not as if there's exactly a script for pre-abortion conversation. He concentrates on the road as Addison sits curled up in the seat, staring out the window.

"Can I ask you a question?" he asks, breaking the quiet.

"Didn't really give me a choice there, but sure. What?"

"It's kind of awkward and personal."

"Karev, I think people in our position are allowed to ask awkward and personal questions. This whole _thing _is awkward and personal."

"You said again," he says, introducing the one thing that's been bugging him since she told him that she's pregnant.

"What?"

"When we were talking about Callie finding out. You said you couldn't see Callie looking at you like you had an abortion _again_."

"Oh."

"So you've… done this before?"

"Thank you for putting it delicately," she replies with a little laugh. "You can say abortion, you know." She can see him stop himself from flinching. She knows that she's treating this whole thing cavalierly, but it's the only way she's not going to break down crying. She swallows. "Mark got me pregnant. In New York after Derek left. He was so excited. Bought a calendar and a little Yankees onesie. And I realized that I couldn't do it. Not with him. Not then." She studies the passing figures out the window. She just doesn't want to look at him, no matter what. "I… I wanted a baby. But I wanted a baby with Derek. Not Mark. So I made the appointment and one day I came home and… and I wasn't pregnant anymore. And he's never forgiven me for that. And he shouldn't."

"Yeah, he should," Alex protests.

She shakes her head. "No, he really shouldn't." She looks up at him. "Neither should you, for that matter."

"I don't have anything to forgive you for," he replies. "Not really. It's your decision. You're just doing what you think is right."

They pull into the parking lot before she can answer. "Do you want me to come in with you?" he offers.

"No, I'm… I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"I'm good," she sighs.

"I'm going to go get something to eat around the corner, okay?"

"I'll call you when I'm done," she says, closing the car door and wandering into the clinic. He watches her go, shakes off the inexplicable sadness he feels, and drives around the corner to a deli for some food.

He was hungry before, but now that he's got a sandwich in front of him, he just feels sick. He saw the way Addison's eyes misted up at the thought of a baby. And that's twice she's been denied it because of who got her pregnant. He wishes that he had the balls to just stand up and tell her to keep the baby, that he'd be there for them no matter what. But he's a disgusting coward and he doesn't like to make promises that he's certain he can't keep. In his book, it's just like making a promise with no intention to keep it—a complete lie. So he has to let her make her own decision.

He's been staring at his food for ten minutes when his phone buzzes. He frowns. He had made up some story about going out with some old college buddies and being completely unreachable so nobody from the hospital would call. He glances down and doesn't recognize the number, but the area code is for Seattle. "Hello?"

"You said it was my choice, right?" someone sniffs into the phone.

"Addison?"

"You said this was my choice. That the abortion is my decision. Did you really mean that?"

"Yeah," he confirms slowly.

"Can you come get me?" she asks, her voice begging him to be forgiving and understanding.

"Are you okay?" he frowns.

"I can't do it, Alex. I'm sorry. I don't expect anything from you, but I just… I can't do it. Not again. I can't. I'm sorry."

"I'll be there in two minutes. Stay there." He's running out of the deli, thankful he had paid before eating, before she hangs up the phone.

* * *

**Oooh, sort of a cliffhanger there. Good thing I have the next chapter written... I'll try to get that up some time soonish. Hopefully before I start classes next Monday! Anyways, as always, I'd love to hear thoughts! I'm always a little nervous to post something new, so feedback is LOVED.**

**-Juli-**


	2. Situations

**Okay, I have to run, because I'm about to go watch a movie with Kenny (holla!), but I wanted to post this really quickly. I'm TRYING to stay on top of things, but it's not really happening right now. Sorry. It's the college thing!**

**I own nothing! Absolutely nothing! How sad is that?**

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She's standing on the curb when he pulls up. He unlocks the door and she crawls in, curling up into the smallest ball she can manage and sobbing into her knees. He parks the car. "Addison," he says, trying to reach out to touch her.

She shies away from his hand.

"Addison," he tries again, a little louder this time. "Addison!" he finally yells.

That snaps her out of the unintelligible weeping, but that ushers in the practically unintelligible explanations and assurances. "I'm so sorry, Alex. I just… I can't. I don't expect you to… I'm sorry. I just… I couldn't… I just kept thinking and flashing back to New York and Mark… and I don't want you to hate me, but I can't do it. I'm sorry. I don't want anything, just… please?"

"It's fine," he assures her.

"Can you take me home?" she requests. He nods his head and pulls out of the parking lot.

"We're going to have to tell people, you know," he says, not looking over at her. He doesn't want to look at her until he knows what he's feeling. At first he felt as if the world had been lifted off his shoulders, but the more he thinks about it, the more he feels that familiar heavy weight in his stomach return as he starts to think about the responsibility.

Addison bangs her head against the headrest. "I don't want to think about it."

"Sorry."

She opens her eyes and glances over at him. "_We_?"

"You think I'm going to let you do this alone?"

She bites the inside of her cheek. "You're not?"

"Wow, you have a really high opinion of me," he scoffs.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she snaps. "I guess that's just because the last time I checked I'm not your girlfriend."

"Are you always going to throw that in my face?"

"Is there a reason I shouldn't?"

"I'm sorry, okay? I just… I don't know. It was… I don't know. Things are different now."

"I'm not going to say that it's okay."

"I don't expect you to. I just… I'm sorry."

"It's not okay. And it never will be."

"Okay."

"But," Addison sighs. "I guess I can try to… let it go. For the… baby."

"Thanks," he says. He pulls up to the Archfield's entrance. As she pushes the car door open, he says something that surprises even himself. "I want to be there, Addison. However you'll let me be there, I want to be."

She turns shocked eyes on him. "Um, okay," she agrees, wrapping her arms around her body. "Thanks."

She closes the door and heads into the hotel before the day can get any more awkward.

0ooo0

Addison decides that she wants to get the unpleasantness over with. Thankfully Callie and George are still staying at the hotel, so she goes and bangs on their door the second she knows they'll be home. "Uh, Dr. Montgomery," George stammers when he opens the door.

"Is Callie here?" she asks, practically ignoring him.

"Uh, yeah, come on in." He opens the door wider and lets her in.

Callie looks at her friends face and suggests that her husband go gets something to eat. He's out of the room in five seconds flat.

"I need to tell you something," Addison announces.

"Okay…"

"I slept with Alex Karev."

"_What_? When?"

"About five weeks ago."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because… because he was a jerk about it. And it's not going to happen again. Ever."

"I need a drink. You want one?" she offers.

"No thanks."

"Since when does Addison Montgomery not drink? _Especially _when Alex Karev is involved." Callie asks with a frown.

Addison takes a deep breath. "Since Addison Montgomery got pregnant," she admits.

"_What_?"

"Yeah," Addison sighs. "About five weeks ago."

"Wait… You're saying that… you… and Alex Karev are having a baby."

Addison sits down on the bed. "I'm saying that _I _am having a baby. And Karev is welcome to be a part of that if he wants. We'll see how long that lasts once the baby comes."

"Did he say that he wants to help?"

"He said that he wants to do whatever I'll let him."

"Wow. That doesn't sound like him."

"No, it doesn't."

"You don't sound happy about it."

Addison sighs. "I'm waiting for him to wake up and realize just what he's saying. He hasn't thought this through."

"Maybe he has."

"He hasn't," Addison insists. "If I tell you something, will you… can you just not hate me?"

Callie glares at her. "Addison, in the past five minutes, you've told me that not only did you _not _tell me that you slept with your intern, you got knocked up by him too. If I don't hate you now, there's like no chance I'm going to hate you in two minutes."

"He took me to get an abortion today," Addison blurts out.

"_What_?" Callie shrieks. "Addison, if he was pressuring you, I don't care if he's your baby's daddy, I'll kill him."

"Callie, it was _my _idea. It was my choice. He just offered to drive me."

"It was your idea?"

"Can you see me and Alex Karev as parents?"

"Well… no."

"Exactly."

"But you changed your mind," Callie clarifies. "You're having the baby."

Addison sighs and rubs her brow. "I couldn't do it. I was sitting and waiting and I just kept thinking about New York and Mark's face when I told him about the abortion. I couldn't have Alex looking at me like that too."

"Like what?"

"Like… like… Like I had destroyed everything he liked about me."

Callie squints. "Let me get this straight. You _don't _like Karev and have little to no faith in him, but you're having his baby because you don't want him to look at you like he hates you? You're a weird woman."

"I never said it makes _sense_," Addison retorts.

"Are you _sure _that you don't have a thing for him? I mean, more than we've talked about."

"Absolutely not. Don't be ridiculous," Addison scoffs emphatically.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Callie inquires quietly.

Addison picks at the bedspread. "I couldn't have you looking at me like that again."

"Look? I've never given you a look."

"You didn't mean to, but you did for just one second when I told you about New York," Addison insists. "There was just one second where you looked crushed."

"Addison, I-"

"It's okay. Really."

"So you're having a baby," Callie states.

"I'm having a baby," Addison repeats, trying to shove all of her uncertainty into a little box in the back of her mind so she can stop feeling terrified.

"Oh my God!" Callie exclaims, suddenly embracing her friend as the news finally catches up to her. "Congratulations!"

Addison laughs and, for the first time since this whole ordeal started, actually feels like congratulations are in order.

* * *

**Well, I'm trying to make this head in a lighter direction! Is it working?**

**-Juli-**


	3. At or With Me

**So, hey. Glad to hear you all are liking this, because I'm really, really liking the writing aspect of it! Anyways, I just want to say thanks. It makes me happy. :)**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Alex asks a week later, having tracked her down in the empty locker room.

Addison looks up, surprised. "Fine," she answers.

"You look tired," he accuses her.

"I'm fine."

"Why do you look tired?" he interrogates her, ignoring her statement. "Are you getting enough sleep?"

"Really? You're doing this now? I don't hear from you for a week and now you're asking me if I got enough sleep?"

"Don't bitch at me," he snaps. "_You're_ the one who's avoiding me. This is the first time I've seen you since… you know."

She rolls her eyes. "You can say abortion."

"I couldn't find you!" he insists.

"Then you didn't try hard enough!" she snaps.

"What is your problem?"

"Nothing. Nothing is my problem."

"Okay, quit it. I thought… I thought…"

"You thought what?"

"Never mind."

"No, now I want to know!" Addison insists.

He rubs his brow. "I don't know. I thought we had made some progress or something. Whatever."

Addison opens her mouth to retort, but the fan in the corner suddenly blows the scent of the garbage can her way and she runs for the bathroom instead. He doesn't follow her immediately, but when she's done returning her lunch to the world he's standing behind her with a bottle of water that was stashed in a locker. "Thanks," she says shakily, accepting the bottle and rinsing her mouth out. "That was unpleasant."

"Uh-huh," he grunts. "You need to stop avoiding me."

She looks up and studies his face. "I'm scared," she admits in a voice that barely qualifies as a whisper.

"What could you possibly have to be scared about?" he chuckles. He's not being insensitive; he just finds the idea that Addison Montgomery would be afraid of anything, especially a baby, completely ludicrous.

She bites her bottom lip. "Being alone."

They lock eyes and stare for a painfully long and silent minute before he offers to go and find her something for the taste in her mouth. If he turned around on his way out the door, he would find her still on the bathroom floor, staring after him, an eyebrow raised. But he doesn't, so he completely misses her groan and lightly bang her head against the wall.

0ooo0

There is very little that can be said to scare Addison. After all, this is the woman who flew across the country to fight for her husband, _lost_, and stayed, even when her ex followed her. Clearly the woman isn't frightened easily. But standing outside the Chief's office, trying to gather the courage to enter, the only word she can come up with for what she's feeling is scared. Maybe she should page Karev and tell him to get his ass down here. But no, she tells herself, if she's going to have this baby by herself (because how long can he possibly keep up this "wanting to be involved" charade?) then she needs to start getting used to doing the hard stuff by herself. So, with a deep breath, she raises her hand to the door and knocks.

"Come in!" the Chief calls.

"Hi, Richard," she says quietly.

"Addison! Come in, sit down! What can I do for you?"

All of a sudden her carefully prepared speech flies out of her head and she freezes. So instead of calmly outlining the situation and her plans, she blurts out, "I'm pregnant."

"What?"

She sighs as she resigns herself to the fact that this is _not _going down the way easy way. "I'm pregnant," she repeats.

"What? Who…?"

"Alex Karev," she admits, staring down at the floor.

"_What_? That little… I'll…"

"Richard!" she exclaims, trying to stop the stammering before it turns into a full blown rant. "Thank you for… whatever it is you were about to go do. But it's unnecessary. Karev and I are-"

He cuts her off with a practically screamed, "You still call him Karev?"

Addison flinches. "We're not dating or anything. He's just-"

"You do realize that I'm about to go kill him, right?"

"Richard, please, don't-"

"What do you want me to do, Addison? So far you've told me that he's gotten you pregnant even though you're not dating and you aren't even on a first name basis with him! And he's not standing in this office with you! I'm not going to kill you, but I have no qualms about killing him!"

"Richard, _Alex_ has been ridiculously mature and helpful so far. Any distance between us is my own fault because I'm the one pushing him away. I don't _like _being pregnant with my intern's child! It's _mortifying_. But Alex claims that he wants to help me and every time we seem to have a problem, it's because of me." Addison stares at her pseudo father's face as she comes down from her rant. There's surprise in both of their eyes—the Chief because he's never known Addison to be so vehement, Addison because she has no idea why she suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to defend Alex. "It's me," she repeats quietly.

"So what are you trying to tell me here?" the Chief asks.

"I… I guess I just wanted you to hear it from me. That's all."

"Why isn't he standing next to you? If you don't mind me asking."

Addison can sense the impending interrogation and attempts to cut it off at the pass. "I didn't tell him I was coming. I wanted to tell you myself, just you and me." She leaves out the part where she didn't want to ask him (or possibly where she was terrified of asking him and being refused). "I felt like it was something I should tell just you."

The Chief is silent for a long time. Addison shifts uncomfortably in her seat. "And you're happy?" he finally asks.

Addison pauses for a moment before answering, "Yes."

"Then I'm happy for you. Congratulations, Addie."

0ooo0

"Where were you?" Alex asks, coming up behind her.

"Where was I when?" Addison shoots back, even though she knows that he's referring to the time that she disappeared. He's back on her service now. He claims to want to be there, but she thinks it's just because he wants to keep an eye on her. She pretends not to notice when she catches him studying her. It's not a look she's gotten before or even one she can recognize from other people's lives. It's not the contempt of a man who doesn't want to be a father, it's not the joy of a future daddy, it's not the concern of a friend, the overprotective anxiety of a lover, or the disgust of a one night stand gone horribly awry. The best description she can come up with is that he looks at her like her grandfather used to stare at a freshly started jigsaw puzzle. And she finds herself worrying that he's going to deduce that the reason he can't figure out where she fits is because she's an extra piece—part of a picture of an Escher paradox or a kitten or something in a box with a bunch of puzzle pieces that are supposed to add up to a bunch of beer bottles or a hot woman or something. Which is stupid, because wasn't she supposed to be protecting herself from that possibility by going to the Chief alone and dealing with as much of this on her own as she can?

He rolls his eyes. "You know what I mean."

She takes a deep breath. "Talking to the Chief. About… that thing." She may have told the Chief, but that doesn't mean she's ready for Derek and his child bride to know about her pregnancy. The second Derek finds out about any of this, she's going to lose any and all right to call his twelve year old anything but her proper name. And even if the divorce was almost a year ago and she really is okay with the Grey girl, she's not ready to admit that she not only sank to his level, she surpassed it. Because even Derek hasn't managed to impregnate his intern yet. Nope. Of _course _it's Addison who ends up knocked up—forever irrevocably entwined with a twelve year old who is probably more of a twelve year old than Derek's twelve year old ever was. This is karma coming back, biting her in the ass, and handing her a note that says SCREWING YOUR HUSBAND'S BEST FRIEND WILL GET YOU SCREWED.

He stares at her for a second and this time she thinks she can identify the look. It starts out questioning, moves to incredulous, and then he just looks flat out pissed. And before she can figure out why the hell he would be angry (because she did him a favor by going to the Chief alone—she got him out of it), he storms away, the thunder clouds above his head practically visible as he stews. Addison stares after him.

What the hell?

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed this too! I'm trying to keep a pretty even tone- not too funny, not super-serious. Is it working?**

**-Juli-**


	4. Never Know

**Dude, it's been a **_**month**_**? Already? My, how time flies! That is so lame of me! I'm sorry! Well, enjoy this anyways!**

**I own nothing.

* * *

**

The Chief takes a deep breath as the door to his office swings open. First off, he's not expecting anyone to come, so this is unexpected. Secondly, it's swung open with a ridiculous amount of force, so he has to get ready to calm whatever storm has just rolled into his office.

Turns out he's glad he took the breath because it's one of the only things that keeps him from jumping across the desk and punching the man who storms in.

"Dr. Karev," Webber says as calmly as he can. "What do you want?"

"She didn't tell me she was coming," he blurts out. "If she had told me she was going to talk to you, I would have come. She didn't tell me."

"Addison?"

"Look, whatever she said, I just want a chance to defend myself. I know she kind of hates me and she doesn't think I'm going to stick around. And I don't want to get fired or something because she's having my baby. So whatever she said, I know you're going to believe her. But she's wrong. I'm not going to run. Not this time. So, for once, you should listen to me. Not her."

The Chief is silent as he takes in this rant. It gets really awkward. As an afterthought, Alex tacks on a mumbled "Sir" but it's clearly an afterthought and more just to fill the pregnant air than to add some modicum of respect.

"Thank you, Dr. Karev," Richard says, clearly dismissing him. Alex all but bolts for the door. "For the record, Karev," the Chief calls after him. "She defended you."

He's not sure if the intern hears him or not.

0ooo0

Alex is stewing in the tunnels when Addison appears, standing in the doorway. "Karev," she barks. "We're talking. Now." The tapping of the very high, pointy heel coupled with the crossed arms and deep frown make it very, very clear that no is not an option.

He gets up languidly. He's not about to make anything in this woman's life easy right now. He tried that and apparently that's not enough for her. "What?" he finally drawls.

"What do you _mean,_ what? You know very well what I mean!"

"Nope."

"You. Storming away from me. Without saying anything."

"Oh."

"Are you going to _say_ anything?"

"Nope."

"What the _hell_, Alex?"

"Look," he starts, finally gaining the courage to look her in the eye and the stony face to hide any emotion. "Dr. Montgomery-"

"_I'm Dr. Montgomery now_?" Addison nearly shrieks. Both of them pretend to not notice the tears that spring to her eyes unbidden.

"_Dr. Montgomery_," he talks over her. "Clearly you don't need help with _anything_, so why are you here? If you don't mind, I have patients to check up on." He tries to brush by her and would have been successful if she didn't move to block his path. So instead of brushing by her and leaving her alone, he ends up accidentally shoving her. And because of those treacherous heels that don't exactly provide wonderful balance, she ends up on the floor. Two seconds later he's down on the floor with her. "Are you okay?"

She looks up and is surprised at the concern in his eyes—it extends far beyond a general guilt for pushing her down. "I…" she starts and trails off.

His arm is threaded through hers, his hand resting on the floor behind her back, helping to support him. But it's the other hand that she's really concerned about—that's the one resting protectively on her stomach.

Oh, this is so not good. The longer they sit like this, the more she wants to close that practically miniscule distance between their lips. Which is so not okay. There's no way she's going to be falling for the father of her baby. That's. Not. Happening.

She gets up before he can help her. "I'm fine," she says, suddenly heading straight back for professional.

"You sure?"

She sighs in frustration. This cannot be happening. She has to make him keep his distance. She can't do this Karev thing again. That is not something she's strong enough to deal with. So she smoothes her skirt and gives him her calmest look. "I'm fine, Dr. Karev."

She hates the way his eyes darken before he turns on his heel and leaves.

0ooo0

"Addison."

"Addison."

"Addison."

"_PAGING DR. MONTGOMERY!_" Addison starts as she feels her hair being lifted away from the side of her head and _that _being screamed into her ear.

"What?" she nearly screeches.

"What is up with you today?" Callie asks. Her normally put together friend looks like she's been through several wars. And, even more frightening, she's not doing anything to try and hide that fact.

Addison shoves her glasses up onto the bridge of her nose. She had been hoping that focusing on tedium would help her ignore the thoughts running through her head at a mile a minute. (What's wrong with Karev? Why is he mad at her? Why does she even care what's wrong with Karev? And most importantly, what the _hell _was that moment thing down in the tunnels?) But so far all she's been able to accomplish is some very, very prolonged staring off into space and thinking about all those questions she's supposed to be ignoring.

"Nothing," she lies.

Callie gives her the low-lidded straight face that says Callie's intelligent enough to recognize the worst lie ever when she hears it.

"I don't want to talk about it," Addison amends.

She gets the same look from Callie, only this one says that Callie knows she's going to tell eventually.

"Alex is mad at me," Addison admits.

"Why?"

"I don't know!" Addison snaps. It's not like she hasn't been pondering this question for the past hour. "I tell him I saw the Chief, next thing I know, he's freaking out and ignoring me. He won't talk to me. Like, at all."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. You saw the Chief?" Callie screeches. "About the…" The widening of her eyes fills in the word baby. Addison nods miserably. "_No wonder_ he's mad at you! _I'm _mad at you and I have nothing to do with it!"

"_You're _mad? What could you possibly have to be angry about?"

"Here's a hint, Addison. Best friends generally like to be told things. Even after they happen. Sometimes even within weeks. Days even. Hell, _hours_ or _minutes_ would be nice some of the time."

"What are you talking about?" Addison asks, rolling her eyes subtly.

"Look, you told me… what you did. And when you told me that, you kind of said, "Hey, you're in the loop now." And you're so not acting like that ever happened!"

"Callie-"

"No! I was happy for you, I'm still happy for you. I get that this is hard for you. You're my best friend here. I'm happy for you and I get that you're having a hard time b_ecause _you're my best friend. But I think that means I should get treated like your best friend. Which means that you could tell me things every once in awhile!"

"Callie-"

"If this is how _I'm _feeling, imagine Karev."

Addison's mouth drops opens slightly as she takes in the truth of Callie's words. "I am… so sorry, Callie," she says slowly.

"I'm not the one you really need to apologize to," Callie points out.

Addison sighs and places her head in the palms of her hand. "I guess."

Callie rolls her eyes. "Just apologize to Karev. Rip the band-aid off."

Before Addison can reply, there's the sound of a throat being cleared from behind them. Both women turn slowly, even though they know exactly what they will be greeted with when they finish their rotation. And sure enough, Addison finds herself staring at the small but formidable (and, quite frankly, frightening) form of Miranda Bailey. And she recognizes the crossed arms and raised eyebrows as signs of her impending doom.

"Why are you apologizing to Karev?"

Yep. Death order, signed.

* * *

**Enjoy? I'll try to have the next chapter up before a month passes!**

**-Juli-**


	5. Look At What The Light Did Now

**See? I can update in a timely manner! Okay, so I may have already had most of this written, but _still_. It's quick, right? So be happy!**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

"_Why are you apologizing to Karev?"_

Addison wishes she were in a Twix commercial, that she could just shove a candy bar in her mouth and suddenly all of her problems would melt away. Sadly, she doesn't see that happening.

Callie is the quickest to recover. "Um, Addison… She… She was… rude! To Karev!" she covers quickly.

She looks to Addison to corroborate this story and Addison nods enthusiastically. Bailey narrows her eyes. "She was _rude_… to Karev," she repeats in disbelief. "So rude that it requires an apology?"

"Her insults crossed the line," Callie explains.

"Are you her lawyer?" Bailey scoffs. "Let the woman talk for herself."

"I definitely crossed a line of professionalism," Addison jumps in. "I need to apologize for that."

There's silence as Bailey studies them. Just as they start to believe that they've gotten away with it, the silence is broken. "Do you two think I'm stupid?"

"W-what?" Callie stutters.

"Do you honestly think I'm going to fall for that? Now one of you two fools had better tell me what is really going on before I find out on my own. And _I_ _will find out_."

Addison and Callie fidget uncomfortably. "Addison's pregnant!" Callie breaks.

"Callie!" Addison cries.

"Sorry! She was doing the staring thing and I just…"

"You're pregnant," Bailey states slowly. "With Alex Karev, my intern, _his _child."

Addison opens her mouth to respond. "You're pregnant?" Addison doesn't need to turn to know Derek's already storming away.

"Great," she sighs. "Thanks, guys."

0ooo0

"Derek, will you just wait up for one second!" Addison pleads, running after him.

He turns around. "Why?" he scowls. And then he turns back around and keeps walking away.

"Because… because…" Addison struggles. "Because I'm your ex-wife and I deserve to at least be listened to before you go making snap judgments about me and my decisions!"

And back around Derek goes, the amazing spinning surgeon. Addison rolls her eyes. "So you expect me to believe you and Karev just decided to up and have a baby?"

Addison's eyes narrow. "You don't get to judge me. You don't get to give me your patented Derek Shepherd Disapproval look. You don't get to be jealous or angry or _anything_. Of course, I didn't plan this! But it's my body, it's my choice, and you don't get to judge me for what I choose to do without you. I cheated first, but you walked away! You walked away from me and anything we might have had. _You _left and you don't get to take that out on me. I'm done with that. I've tried to deal with it but I am _sick_ of being your emotional punching bag!"

It takes Addison a moment to realize that, because the universe truly enjoys screwing with her life, they are once again standing on the bridge, she is once again yelling, and everyone is once again staring at her seemingly psychotic outburst. She almost feels like yelling something about dating a vet and not being Meredith Grey just for fun. Or at least, she would if she didn't feel so wretched about the whole thing.

She doesn't wait around for him to answer. Damn Derek and his little intern and his perfect fucking life to hell. As she storms through the hallway, she, of course, manages to run directly into Mark Sloan.

"Sorry," she mumbles, trying to step around him. No one, and that means _no one_, is going to get the satisfaction of seeing her cry.

"Hey, slow down," he frowns. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just… move."

"Addison."

She sighs dramatically, happy to feel the anger that came out at Derek rechanneling itself into frustration instead of angry, hurt tears. "It's going to be around the hospital in five minutes anyways, so I guess you might as well know. I'm pregnant with Alex Karev's baby," she snaps. "_Now _will you move?"

He moves.

She leaves.

0ooo0

As hard as she tries to hold back the tears that she really hates crying, she fails. _Well_, she thinks with a little bitter laugh, _at least Alex did one thing right_. He's given her an excuse to cry, even if he's the cause behind her tears in the first place. No, that's not true. She's not crying because of Alex. He is _not _the reason. That would be stupid. No, she's crying because of Derek and Mark and the wreck that her life has become, but Alex has nothing to do with that, other than helping her to operate the wrecking ball that she's taken to her old life.

She blindly pushes into the first on-call room she sees. She just needs to get out of everyone's sight. The door closes behind her and she leans against it, taking deep breaths to regulate her breathing. But the originally calming breaths turn into gulping gasps as she tries to ram enough air into her lungs to keep her conscious as tears start streaming down her face uncontrollably.

She falls backward as the door is pulled open. "Whoa!" Callie exclaims, catching her friend as she stumbles. She sees the tears and hurriedly closes the door. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Derek and… and Mark… and… and…" Addison sobs.

"Addison, you're not making sense," Callie says, guiding her friend to sit on the bed. Try as Callie might, she can't get Addison to calm down enough to talk. So she reaches for her phone to call for reinforcements. Addison grabs her wrist to stop her. "Oh no," Callie chides, prying the claw-like grip from her arm. "You're about to hyperventilate. You don't get to stop me from helping you. Not how this works." She scrolls quickly through her contacts and sends a text that relays their whereabouts and the message "Addison—911."

Within five minutes, Alex shoves his way into the room. "What's going on? What's wrong with Addison?" he questions urgently. Callie motions helplessly at the sobbing mess of a redhead. "Addison," he says, kneeling down by the bed. "Addison, I need you to look at me. Addison, look at me."

It takes a little more coaxing, but she finally does as he asks. "Come on, breathe," he pleads. "I need you to calm down and tell me what's wrong."

Her breathing becomes ragged, but far less erratic as he pulls her from the height of hysterics. "That's better," he smiles. Callie makes a subtle move for the door, sensing that he wants a moment alone with the mother of his child. She watches, waiting for a signal that he has things under control which he promptly gives with a small nod. She slips out the door and he takes her place next to Addison. "What's going on?" he asks.

"You're mad at me," Addison frowns. "What are you doing here?"

He shows her the text. "I thought something was wrong with the baby," he explains awkwardly. She can't help but feel like that's only partially true.

"Derek knows," she confides quietly. "And Bailey. And Mark. So you should probably watch your back." She says the last statement with a slight glint in her eyes.

"Great," he groans. "How'd they find out?"

"I told Miranda. Derek overheard. He and I… we got into a fight. And I may have all but yelled it at Mark."

"Why?"

"I needed him to get out of the way. And he was going to find out anyways. And…"

"What?" he prods when she trails off.

"I was hurt. So I wanted to hurt him," Addison admits. "I know it's stupid and petty, but…"

"It's okay," he reassures her. "I get it."

They sit in silence. "I thought you were mad at me," she finally says to break it.

"I am."

"Oh."

"Why'd you go see the Chief without me?" he asks suddenly.

"I just… I thought you wouldn't want to deal with it."

"What do I have to do to convince you that I'm not going to cut and run?" he wonders.

She sighs and picks at a lose thread. "It's not you, Alex."

"What?"

She was sure that her earlier hysterics had dried up her water supply, but tears spring up in her eyes anyways. "People don't stay in my life, Alex. Especially men. They just don't…. I can't let myself get close to you. The second I do, something will happen and you'll be gone. And I couldn't take that."

"I've got a little more keeping me here than most guys, Addison," he protests.

She frowns. "Oh, so I've _trapped _you into staying? Is that what you're saying? Cunning, devious me got pregnant to trap you into staying?"

"What? No!" he exclaims, sputtering as he realizes just how bad his statement could be misconstrued. "I just… I… I want to be in the baby's life. And that means I want to be in your life. We could be friends or something."

"I don't know," Addison says slowly.

"Addison, I'm here, okay? I'm here."

Addison opens her mouth to say something else, but snaps, "I just can't, okay?" when she sees his hand moving to rest on her stomach. "I'm not going to keep you out of the baby's life or anything, but I… I can't get attached to you."

He frowns. "I-"

"Please respect that," she interrupts him.

"I… okay."

They sit in silence until Addison gets up and leaves.

* * *

**Anybody else think Addison and Alex should just suck it up and be in love? Because I certainly do.**

**-Juli-**


	6. Twisted Logic

**Um, yeah, I know this is really, really, really, really short and I'm really sorry about it. But I couldn't bring myself to make it longer and you will see why in a few minutes.**

**I own nothing!**

* * *

Mark won't talk to her and neither will Derek. Addison contemplates fixing this, but suddenly comes to the realization that she doesn't really want to.

She keeps her distance from Alex. It's too hard to keep her distance while in proximity to him.

Between all the avoiding she's doing, days pass quickly. "Dr. Karev," Addison calls. Although everyone has figured out by now that they're having a baby and therefore must have, at some point, had sex, she clings to this formality as the one thing standing between her life and utter insanity.

"Yes, Addison?" He looks up and changes his tune quickly. "Dr. Montgomery?"

"I jut wanted you to know I have an appointment with Dr. Watson today at three, since you seem to want to stay informed."

He takes the cue from her professional tone and mimics it. "Thank you." Then he leans in just a _hint _too far. "I'll be there."

Addison nods stiffly and leaves.

0ooo0

He's on the other side of the room. She feels like she should let him know that it's okay for him to stand somewhere near her, possibly even beside her.

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Watson asks her.

"Fine," Addison replies. "Sick of morning sickness, but fine."

"And I know you're taking care of yourself," Dr. Watson says, with just the tiniest bit of an accusatory tone threaded through her voice. Then she looks at Alex. "And you're making her."

Well, that's right. Though Addison and Alex rarely talk outside of work, when they do, it's only about work or the baby. Alex is always the one to check her when she might be pushing herself too hard. Obviously she's ridiculously careful about doing everything right for the baby, but her perfectionist, workaholic side nears its ugly head far too often for her to get enough rest.

"She's a freaking pain in the ass," he grins. "But yeah."

"I resent that," Addison laughs.

"I'd expect nothing less," Dr. Watson says. She glances accusingly at Addison. "Doctors always are the worst patients. Now, Dr. Montgomery, I concede that you're the best there is, so I'll just let you look." She turns the screen so Addison can see the sonogram.

Addison never, ever thought it would hit her this hard. She had seen it happen to other women, but she had kind of (rather foolishly) thought that the "special circumstances" surrounding the conception and pregnancy would stop that rush of love from overtaking her, but there it is and it definitely overpowers her. She wipes the sudden tears away quickly and tries to look at the picture without the fuzzy "Oh my God, that's my baby" feeling.

She clears her throat. "Karev, get over here," she commands. "You might as well learn something while we're here." It takes him a couple seconds to process the requests, but he shuffles over quickly once he does. "Tell me what you see."

Addison tunes him out unintentionally as her eyes scan the picture for anything troublesome.

"Healthy," she and Alex conclude at the same time. Both turn away to hide the looks of relief that cross their faces.

0ooo0

"How'd the sonogram go?" Izzie asks as they sit in the cafeteria.

"Good," he says, glancing over to where Addison is sharing every last detail with Callie. "The baby's healthy."

"Good! Alex, what you're doing… I'm impressed. It's, well, it's mature. I didn't know you could do mature."

"It's not a big deal," he shrugs.

"It is though. I mean, I can't say I'm happy that you're doing it for another woman, but seeing you grow up… It's impressive."

He glances over at the laughing attending who insists that they remain distant and realizes something. That baby may have half his DNA, but it will always be hers and hers alone. She is never going to let him into that world fully—she's too scared and he can't see himself ever being able to convince her to be otherwise.

"Iz, how would you feel about dinner? Just you and me?"

Izzie looks at him suspiciously. "What's Addison going to think?"

"Iz, I'm going to be there for that baby no matter what, but Addison's different. We're never… she won't… Addison and I aren't even friends. We're just two people who happened to have sex. We're never going to be anything more and even if I wanted us to, she won't let it happen, so… Just… let's get dinner, okay?"

She bites her lip. "If I get hell from Montgomery for this, Alex Karev, I'm killing you."

0ooo0

Addison wipes her mouth as she finishes throwing up the wonderful dinner she and Callie had indulged in as a celebration. As she gets up to brush her teeth, she places her hand on her stomach and even though it feels a little silly, whisper, "Hey, Bear. It's me, um, your mom… Look, I'm new at this and I'm scared and well, the daily sickness is really not helpful. But… I love you. I really do."

She catches her own eye in the mirror and suddenly laughs. "Oh my God," she giggles, pushing her hair away from her face. "I'm talking to a fetus for no good medical reason."

She shakes her head, but bites her lip to keep from smiling.

* * *

**Don't hate me! Please?**

**-Juli-**


	7. Forest of Sorrows

**Hey! Sorry this took so long. Life's been kind of hectic. I hope you enjoy it!**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

"Dr. Montgomery!" Addison stops when her name is called. She turns around and finds Alex jogging to catch up to her.

"Yes?"

"Can we talk?" His voice takes on a softer, more confidential tone.

"I'm kind of busy," she replies.

"Addison, it's kind of important."

"Okay, fine. What's up?"

"Um, I just… I wanted you to hear this from me, not anybody else."

"Okay?"

"Um, me and Izzie we, uh, I guess we're, um…"

"Alex, just say whatever it is you're trying to stammer."

"Izzie and I are dating, I guess."

Addison feels her heart stop for a second but keeps her composure. "Oh. Um, okay."

"I just… I know people are talking about it and I thought it would be best if you heard it from me."

"Yeah, I, um, I appreciate it. Thank you."

"Right, so…"

"Right, um, I'll see you later. Thanks again, Dr. Karev."

If Addison had stuck around for one more second, she would have seen him flinch.

0ooo0

"Hey," Callie says quietly, poking her head into her Addison's office. "How are you?"

Addison looks up from her paperwork with a frown. Callie sounds gentle, like she's checking in on a family member in a hospital or something. "Fine," she replies. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Alex and Izzie? Oh God, am I the first person to tell you? Addison, I'm sorry. I should have waited. Wait, did he not tell you? Shouldn't he have told you? He should have told you. I'm going to kill him."

Addison laughs at her friend's rant. "Callie, down, girl. He told me this morning."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

There's a slightly awkward silence as Callie calms down. "How do you feel about that?" she asks.

"About Alex and Izzie?"

"No, about Angela and Hodgins on _Bones_," Callie snaps. "Of course about Alex and Izzie!"

"It's fine," Addison says.

"You're lying."

"No, I'm not," Addison lies just a little. Rationally, she knows that Alex is free to date other women, that she doesn't want any more than for him to be happy and for her baby to have a father. But there's this little dark place in her mind that wants her to tear out her hair in jealousy. "Look, Cal. Alex and I don't work. We've established that. Unfortunately, while establishing that, I happened to end up pregnant. I don't want to screw up his entire life because of that. He should get the chance to fall in love with who he wants to fall in love with. I'm not about to ask him to completely stop his life to pretend to be in love with me. He's not in love with me, I'm not in love with him, and we both deserve better than to settle for something we don't really want."

Callie is quiet for a long time. "Are you sure, Addison?" she finally asks quietly.

"Alex and I are having a baby," she says, "but that doesn't mean we're in love or that I even want us to be. If he wants Izzie Stevens, then he should have Izzie Stevens. And I'll meet someone eventually. I believe that. I have to."

_5 months later…_

"I can't believe it's been six months since that dinner," Izzie says. "It went by like _that_." She snaps her fingers to demonstrate.

"Yeah, I know," he agrees, sounding a little distracted.

"How's Addison doing? She's almost due, right?"

"Yeah, in three weeks. She's doing okay, I think," he replies. "Nervous, but excited."

"How are you feeling about it?"

"I don't know," he shrugs. "I don't really want to talk about it."

"But Alex-"

"Let's do something special tonight, Iz," he suggests. "Just you and me, no phones, no baby talk, no outside world. Just you and me."

Izzie grins. "I'd like that. A lot, actually."

0ooo0

Addison glances around her fairly new house, proud of her interior design job. It's warm and cozy and perfect for a baby.

She's officially on maternity leave as of an hour ago. Even though she still has another three weeks until her due date, Richard wouldn't hear of her stepping into Seattle Grace except to deliver his grandbaby.

Even an hour into her leave, she's starting to get bored. It's probably just the forced aspect that is making her feel restless, but she's still bored.

She drifts into the nursery, smiling in excitement as she sees the fantastic way the pastel green, pink, and yellow have all come together. She enters and starts the mobile, placing her hand on her stomach as a tune chimes peacefully. "Hey, Bear," she says quietly. Even though she has a name picked out—one that was approved, but not chosen, by Alex—she continues to call the baby "Bear". The nickname just has staying power. "I just want to say that I love you and can't wait to meet you." She's done this talking thing more than once since the first time, but it still feels awkward.

Her eyes widen as she feels something wet trickling down her leg. "Okay," she says to the baby. "That wasn't an invitation."

She scrambles for her phone and calls Alex.

No answer.

She tries again.

No answer.

And a third time.

Still no answer.

Where the _fuck _is he?

She whimpers as the first contraction kicks in.

He was supposed to pick up his goddamn phone. He's supposed to be there for her. Where the fuck is he? What could be so fucking important that he doesn't pick up his phone when she needs him badly?

She tries not to cry and dials Callie's number.

0oooo0

"Where _is _he?" Addison cries, pushing sweat-drench hair off her face. "He's supposed to be here!"

"I know," Callie says soothingly. "I have five different interns calling him and Izzie. Neither one is picking up."

Addison opens her mouth to speak, but another contraction crashes over her and she screams instead.

When she can think again, she starts crying. "Callie, I can't do this. The baby's coming too fast and Alex isn't here and I'm alone and this isn't how it's supposed to go!"

"Grey!" Bailey yells as she spots the resident walking past the door.

"Um, yes?" she says, stopping awkwardly, trying to avoid looking at Addison.

"I need you to find Karev. Figure out where the hell he might be. Take help if you need it. Don't just stand there; _GO_!"

When the woman is gone, Bailey returns her attention to Addison. "Okay, Addison. It's almost time for you to start pushing."

"No!" Addison wails.

"Come on, Addie," Callie cajoles. "You can do this. I know you can!"

"No," she cries. "I won't. I can't. I can't have this baby without him. No."

"Addison," Bailey snaps severely as she sees Addison's mouth set into a stubborn line. "Do not even _think _about resisting. You _know _how dangerous that is."

Addison shakes her head, gritting her teeth in pain and finally screaming again, refusing to give into the impulse to push.

0ooo0

"Alex, where the _hell _are you?" Meredith snaps into the phone. "Addison's in freaking labor and you're not picking up your freaking phone!" She hangs up and her phone rings almost immediately. "Hello?"

"Grey, you need to hurry this up," Callie orders. "Addison won't push until he's there and God knows that woman has enough willpower to make it happen. _Find him_."

"I'm two seconds away from their apartment," she says. "If he's here, I'll find him."

She hangs up and pulls into the parking lot. When she reaches the lobby, she presses the buzzer incessantly until she finally gets a "What?" from a surly male voice she recognizes as Alex's.

"Addison's in labor,'' Meredith bites. "No one's been able to get a hold of you and she'd be giving birth to your daughter right about now if she wasn't refusing to deliver until you get there."

She doesn't get an answer. Two minutes later, Alex is rushing downstairs, buttoning his shirt. "Let's go," he says.

0ooo0

"Addie," Callie pleads tearfully. "_Please _don't do this."

"Addison, you _need _to push," Bailey says, using her best mom voice. "You _know _how much danger you're putting your baby in right now and we don't have _you _available to save her. _You need to push_."

Addison whimpers something that would be "nuh-uh" if she weren't in so much pain that even that simple sound has become impossible.

"I found him!" Meredith announces, running into the room. He follows two steps behind her.

"I'm here," he says, grabbing the hand that isn't clutching at Callie's. "I am _so _sorry, Addison. I… I am so sorry. I know that doesn't fix it, but I'm so sorry."

"Get out," Addison growls.

"What?" Callie asks for him.

"_Get out_!" she moans with another scream of pain.

"Addison, you were just refusing to push until he got here!" Bailey exclaims.

Addison knows she's not being reasonable. She knows that she's being ridiculous. But she missed him when he was gone, and now that he's here she's furious and disgusted and she doesn't want to look at him. And that makes sense to her. She looks at Bailey, suddenly very calm for the situation. "I will push, if, and only if, he gets the _fuck _out of here."

Bailey shakes her head and looks at Alex. "Sorry, Karev. You heard her. Get out."

"But-"

"If you want your daughter to be healthy, you'll get out like she wants. She needs to push."

He looks at Addison one more time, horror, shame, and guilt written all over his face. "I'm sorry, Addison."

She looks back at him with tears in her eyes and they're not just from the pain. "Get. Out."

* * *

**Yeah, so I kind of skipped ahead a couple months because I don't want the pregnancy to be the focus of the story. Plus, I just wanted to get here. Here kind of sucks right now though… Well, let me know what you think.**

**-Juli-**


	8. Falling In

**Surprise! This is very, very short, but to be fair to me, I did write it on a bus, on my way to Disneyland. So a little slack would be nice. Anyways, hope you enjoy!**

**As usual, I own very, very little and what I do own is not Grey's.

* * *

**

Alex is pacing. Like a new dad in the fifties. Maybe he should start handing out cigars. But no, that would actually give the illusion that he and the mother of his child actually got along. That the mother of his child wanted him to celebrate with her.

Alex keeps pacing. The thing with Izzie will be easy to fix. She had been annoyed that their night alone had been interrupted, but she'll understand. It's not like he just ducked out for no reason. He was having a freaking kid. No, that's not true. _Addison _is having a kid. The kid just happens to have half his DNA.

What is he going to do about Addison? He really screwed this up. She has every right to hate him, every right to kick him out of that room. What was he thinking, suggesting a night with no outside world so close to her due date? Sure, she wasn't supposed to give birth for another three weeks, but it's not like three weeks early was unheard of. Or even uncommon. That was dumb. Stupid. And now he doesn't know how to even go about starting to fix it. Fuck. Just… fuck.

The pacing continues.

Bailey pushes the door to the waiting room open. "Karev."

"How is she? How's Addison? And the baby?" The question all tumble out in a flood.

"She's fine. Both of them are," Bailey smiles. "Small miracle," she grumbles under her breath.

Alex can feel his body visibly relax. That's the first step. Both Addison and his daughter are okay. That's a good start.

"Do you want to see them?"

He's about to say of course he does, but then he thinks about it. "Does, uh, does Addison want me to?"

Bailey rolls her eyes. "Get your ass in there, Karev."

He practically runs to Addison's room. As he pushes through the door, he nods a quick greeting to Callie. "Addison, I am so, _so _sorry. I just… me and Izzie were… and I didn't think…"he stumbles through an apology.

"Alex," Addison interrupts quietly. "It's fine. Really. Look."

He really looks for the first time since entering the room. And sees the tiny infant nestled in Addison's arms. "Oh."

"Elodie Grace," Addison says.

"Addison-"

"Look at what we did, Alex." There's a beautiful note of wonder in her voice as she studies the baby. "She's got your nose, you know. Come see."

And he does. Callie discreetly exits the room and he takes her place next to Addison. As he does, Elodie opens her eyes and he loses his breath a little. She might have his nose, but those eyes… She definitely has Addison's eyes.

"Hey," Addison coos. "Hi, Bear. Meet your daddy."

It's the first time Addison has ever referred to him as anything beside "the father." She smiles. "Do you want to hold her?" It sounds like she holds her breath at the end of the sentence, as if she's nervous about his answer.

He grins. "Yeah." He can hear the hiss of her breath being let out as she hands him his daughter.

His daughter. Elodie.

And in that moment, for just one second, everything is solved and perfect.

He feels a wave of protectiveness crash over him and he knows that he'll do anything, _anything_, to keep this little girl safe. _His_ little girl.

He looks to Addison, who has a funny little smirk on her face. "You look good, Karev," she says. "Fatherhood agrees with you."

"Alex," he corrects her, gently rocking Elodie. "Please."

"Alex," Addison repeats.

"Addison, I-"

"It's okay. I wasn't thinking straight, obviously."

"No, I should have-"

"It's fine, Alex. I mean it. I forgive you even if I'm not really sure what I'm forgiving you for. For wanting to have a romantic evening with your girlfriend? I can't fault you for that. _I'm_ sorry I ruined your evening. I'm sure you had plans."

"I should have been there. End of story. And don't ever say you ruined my evening. Addison, this…" A blush creeps up the back of his neck as he's well aware that what he's about to say is horrendously opposed to his badass reputation. "This is the best day of my life. So don't say you ruined it. Just… just don't."

She looks surprised, but pleasantly so. "I, uh… Thank you, Alex."

"For what?"

The smirk returns. "Well, for one, putting our daughter to sleep."

He looks down and sees that Elodie has indeed fallen asleep in his arms.

"And… I'm happy. With this. And… obviously, I couldn't have done it without you, so… Thanks."

He reluctantly gives his daughter back, kissing the top of her fuzzy head. He hovers for a moment, internally debating his next action. Then he stands back up, but not before brushing his lips against Addison's forehead as well.

"Get some rest," he says. "I'll be back later."

"Okay." Her voice sounds far off. Dreamy almost. But she looks up and smiles at him, acknowledging his presence. "Bye."

0ooo0

"You and Alex okay now?" Callie asks, coming back into the room.

"You know we are," Addison responds with a smile.

"And you're still not together?"

"Callie!"

"What? Don't give me that look!"

"Alex and I aren't going to get together."

"Tell that to the betting pool," Callie mumbles under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

0ooo0

"How's Addison?" Izzie asks when he gets home.

"Good. She's good. She's okay, Ellie's okay, so it's good."

"Ellie? Nickname? It's cute."

He shrugs. "I don't know."

"Holy crap!" Izzie exclaims. "You're a dad!"

"Yeah."

She hugs him. "Congratulations. You're going to be amazing. I know it."

"Thanks, Iz."

"So we should probably talk."

"About what?"

"Well, you… and me… and Addison, I guess."

"What about Addison?"

"Relax, Alex. I'm not trying to insult her or anything. It's just that I know you're going to want to spend time with her and Ellie."

"Oh. Iz, it's not… I mean, you're right I am, but… Look, can we talk about this tomorrow?"

"Sure," she smiles and kisses him softly.

He tries not to think about how he wishes it were Addison's lips against his own.

* * *

**Could this possibly be the beginning of plot development? I suppose we shall see...**

**-Juli-**


	9. Only Love Can Break Your Heart

**I'd love to ask you to pretend this sloppy piece of storytelling didn't take me four months to achieve, but I don't think that's fair to you. Go ahead and get angry. In my defense, I did technically write this chapter twice, since I had it just about done and then decided to completely scrap the chapter because it was awful and I didn't like the direction it was taking me. I hope you can forgive me. As a bribe for your love, I'd like to mention that I'm officially on summer break as of this week, so I'm hoping to become much better in the updating department.**

**I continue to own absolutely nothing.**

* * *

It takes Addison three months to return to Seattle Grace, six for her to resume working full time. The only reason it didn't take here years is the day care at the hospital allows her to visit Elodie any time she gets a few spare minutes. It had taken everyone in the all of three minutes to fall in love with the infant.

After a long surgery, Addison sneaks off to the day care and is surprised to find her child already nestled happily in someone else's arms. Addison grins. "Derek Shepherd, I didn't know you worked in the day care. Have you found your new calling?"

He looks up and glares. "It's not my fault you have a cute kid. She looks like you, you know." It hadn't taken the ex-spouses long to make up after Elodie's birth.

"Everybody says that, but I've looked and all I see is Alex. Everything about her is just so perfectly Alex."

"How's that going, by the way?"

"How's what going?"

"You and Karev. Is he doing everything you want him to? Because I can… do something to make him."

Addison laughs. "No offense, Derek, but I kind of think he could kick your ass. You'd be too worried about your hands… or your hair."

"Hey!" he exclaims, faking offense.

Addison sticks her tongue out with a smile and they fall into companionable silence.

After a few minutes, Derek asks, "So why didn't we ever…?"

Addison looks up. "Have kids?"

"Yeah."

"I don't really know," Addison admits, allowing her daughter to clasp her finger in tiny hands. "I… I wanted to. But there was just always something. And every time I tried to bring it up, it never was the right time and I just… after awhile, I sort of assumed you didn't want them."

"No, I did! I just… I always thought we had more time."

"I did too."

He shakes off the sudden sadness that has overtaken them. "But you're happy, right?"

"Yeah, I am. I am."

"Good."

"Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I hold my daughter now?"

"Huh? Oh, uh, yeah, sorry."

She laughs a little as he hands her Elodie. "Thanks, Der."

"For what it's worth, Addison you're a great mom. Karev is lucky."

0ooo0

That night, Alex comes over. That isn't surprising since he usually does. But usually they don't talk all that much, usually Alex will hold Elodie and Addison will do whatever she needs to get done. Today though, today is different. "Alex?" she asks, hovering in the door of the nursery.

He looks up. "Yeah?"

"Can we talk?"

"Yeah, sure. What's up?"

"What I said… when I was pregnant… about us not being friends. I…" she exhales noisily and runs a hand through her hair. "It wasn't… I shouldn't have. I was judging you on past experience and that wasn't fair, or, um…"

"Addison, is this your crazy long way of saying you want to be friends?"

She blushes. "Um, yeah, I guess."

He notices that Elodie has fallen asleep and puts her down. "I kind of thought we already were, but, yeah, okay."

"Oh, um, thanks."

They stare at each other awkwardly. "So how was your day?" Addison finally asks.

Alex starts laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"We have a kid together but the best conversation we can come up with is "How was your day?" It's kind of sad."

"Oh, shut up," Addison smiles. She looks down at their sleeping daughter. "I swear, Alex, you have some weird, voodoo baby magic. She will never let me put her down. But she falls asleep within two seconds of holding her. You feel like coming back when I'm trying to sleep?"

"Do you need help with her?"

Addison's face clouds over. "I am perfectly capable of taking care of our daughter, Alex. I'm fine," she snaps.

Alex holds his hands in defeat. "Just a suggestion. You are a great mother. Ellie is the luckiest kid in the world to have you as a mom. There is no other woman I'd want to have kids with."

She looks up. "What about Izzie?"

"Right. Other than her, obviously."

This silence has the complete possibility of becoming awkward, but Addison grins. "Laying it on a little thick, aren't you, Karev?"

He smiles back. "You didn't see your face. I was scared for my life."

"Oh, shut up."

0ooo0

Elodie is nearly a year old and Addison and Alex are in a full-fledged friendship. He stops by every day after work and will sometimes join Addison and Elodie for dinner. Elodie has started to crawl and since he was there to see it. That was monumental enough that he wants to be around for everything. Sometimes Izzie will join them for dinner or for lunch at the hospital and Addison finds that she does enjoy the resident's company.

But sometimes when it's just her and Alex… well, there are flashes. Moments where they fall silent and it's a moment that is reminiscent of the moments that got them here in the first place. They'll be getting coffee and laughing when she'll touch his arm unnecessarily, he'll smile at her for just a little too long, and that easy conversation will disappear. They always make it out of those situations though and ignore them the rest of the time.

Addison is changing into her scrubs when she hears the door to the locker room open and Meredith and Izzie enter. She's hidden by a row of lockers so they don't realize she's there.

"Mer, can I ask you a favor?"

"Sure, what's up?"

"Can you cover my shift on Friday?"

"Why?"

"I'm going out of town for the weekend."

"Alex didn't mention anything about a vacation. I'm surprised you got him to agree to leave Elodie for that long."

"He's not… It's just me."

"Why?"

"I just need to clear my head."

At this point Addison freezes and gives up all pretense of not eavesdropping.

"What's going on, Izzie?" Addison can hear the note of concern in Meredith's voice and frowns for a similar reason.

"I just… I have some thinking I need to do."

"Are you thinking of breaking up with Alex?" Meredith exclaims. "Is _that _what this is about? Izzie!"

"No! No, that's not it at all! I just…"

"You what?"

"I'm late," Izzie mumbles.

"For what?"

"Not _that _kind of late," Izzie replies. Addison can imagine the wide-eyed look trying to convey information without actually saying anything. She feels her breath catch in her throat.

"Izzie!" Meredith screams. "Are you _pregnant_?"

"Maybe, I don't… I don't actually know yet. I have a feeling. So I need to think."

Addison can hear the sympathetic smile in Meredith's response. "Of course I can cover your shift. You're just leaving for the weekend?"

They walk out, discussing the logistics of Izzie's impromptu trip. Addison sinks down on the closest bench, trying to talk herself out of feeling sick to her stomach.

0ooo0

That Saturday, Alex calls her. "Dude, where have you been?" he asks.

"Around," she says vaguely.

"Addison, I haven't seen you in days. Izzie won't be back until tomorrow. Can we have dinner or something? I miss my daughter."

"Uh, sure,' Addison agrees when she can't find an excuse.

"I'll be over in 20. Chinese food sound good?"

"Sure. But Alex-" She starts to try to say _something _but he hangs up.

When he arrives, they stumble awkwardly through the first few minutes of conversation. Then Addison decides that she's had enough and it's time to be an adult. They are friends, good ones at that, and anything going on with Izzie is none of her business. The moment she decides to let it all go, the atmosphere warms up and for a moment everything is okay.

"Dada!" Elodie cries, beckoning for him to pick her up.

"Hey, Ellie," he grins, acquiescing immediately and placing a kiss on her cheek.

Addison smiles and goes to put food on plates.

After dinner, Alex starts to leave, but then decides to stay and put Elodie down to sleep with his "baby voodoo magic," as Addison still calls it. He and Addison get to talking and Addison offers to put in a movie.

They sit on the couch, almost touching but not quite, for the majority of the movie. Addison feels her eyes grow heavy and, though she fights valiantly against it, falls asleep with half an hour of the movie left.

She wakes up a few hours later, curled up, resting her head on Alex's chest. His arm is wrapped around her and he's still asleep. Groggily, she starts to move. It wakes him up and they stare at each other in silence. Without thinking about it, she cranes her neck to meet his bending head and they kiss.

Then Addison's brain wakes up fully and realizes exactly what is happening. "Oh no!" she exclaims, jumping off the couch. "No, no, no! I am not this person, Alex. No, I… I can't be that person again!"

"Addison," he says quietly.

"God, you have a _girlfriend_, Alex! A girlfriend I actually _like_! We can't… I can't do this to her. I am so… How could I be so stupid? I am so sorry. I swore, I'd… I can't believe…" She paces frantically, ranting with no end in sight.

"Addison, stop!" he finally yells over her.

"I _can't _stop, Alex! Do you realize how awful this is?"

He grabs her arms to stop moving around. "Addison, look at me," he demands when she won't meet his eyes. "Look at me!" Finally she looks. "What Izzie and I have, it's great. But… I'm sorry it's taken me this long to figure out. I should have known way before and I never should have put you in this position. But I love you. I am in love with you. I love Izzie, but you and Ellie, you're… You're everything."

"Alex," she croaks. "Don't."

"Don't what? Tell the truth for once?"

"Please stop."

"Addison, I knew the moment Ellie was born that it was you. It's always been you."

Addison shakes her head, on the verge of tears. "It was _never _me, Alex. Don't give me that."

"I love you."

"Stop saying that!"

"It's the truth!"

"Stop it! Just stop it!"

"What do you want me to do here, Addison?"

"I want… I want you to stop," Addison cries. "I want you to take it back. I want you to leave!"

"Really? That's what you want? You're telling me that you don't feel the same way? That all you want is for me to leave?"

"No, I- I do, but… Go home, Alex," she begs desperately.

"If that's what you want…" he frowns.

"I do. I want you to go home to Izzie. Please?"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"You feel something for me, I'm telling you that I'd break it off with her if you wanted, that I _want _to be with you, but you're telling me to go be with Izzie. I want to know why."

"I just do. Please go."

"Why?"

"Go!"

"No. Why?"

"Stop it!"

"No. Why?"

"Stop being so goddamn stubborn!" she yells. Then she takes a breath to try and calm down. It doesn't work.

"Why won't you answer me?"

"Because," she snaps.

"That's not an answer."

"Alex, just leave." She can feel the frustration mounting as he refuses to budge.

"Why?"

And that's the last straw. "Because she's pregnant, okay?" Addison explodes. "Because I love you but she's pregnant and she has to come first!"

"What?" Alex asks after a few moments filled with nothing but Addison's sobs.

"Stay with Izzie," Addison pleads. "She needs you."

"Addison-"

A stubborn look settles onto Addison's face. "I think you should leave now."

She stares him down until he listens. She closes the door behind him.

Elodie starts to cry and Addison goes to collect her. Her eyes widen as she cradles Elodie and she realizes that she just admitted to loving her daughter's father.

* * *

**Side note: Why is awkward such an awkward word?**

**If you enjoyed this, please review! I want to know if anybody is still even interested in this story.**

**I love you all for being so patient with me! Thank you!**

**-Juli-**


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